Most of us wait too long to ask for help. In healthcare, that delay is almost expected.
Cracks in our personal relationships usually start small and benign enough. You cancel a call with a friend because you don’t have the bandwidth to catch up, or you brush off a partner’s concern with a short answer just to move the conversation along. Maybe you feel an unexpected urge to stop replying to the family group texts because it feels like yet one more thing to manage.
And even when you notice this bubbling up, it can be easy to tell yourself this is just how things are right now. You’ll deal with it after the holidays.
This is exactly how disconnection sets in. Quietly, slowly, and without a single breaking point.
Why we wait so long to ask for help
In most clinical settings, asking for support can feel loaded. It’s easy to worry that you’ll seem unstable, or less capable, or like you’re not cut out for the job. The culture of “push through it” is so baked into healthcare that by the time many people reach out, they’ve already spent weeks or months convincing themselves they should be fine.
But here’s what we know from both research and lived experience: Support works best when it happens early and when it’s part of your routine, not a reaction to a crisis.
That might mean naming a feeling before it grows into resentment, having one honest conversation with a partner before the silence gets louder, or checking in with a counselor before emotional fatigue starts bleeding into everything else.
Early support keeps the door open with room to reflect, adjust, and reconnect before things start to feel unsalvageable.
You’re not imagining it. Things really are harder right now.
It’s not just you.
Data from clinicians who use Marvin shows that relationship strain is one of the top reasons clinicians come to us seeking support. The holidays add more emotional weight to an already full plate, especially for women and frontline clinicians who are still holding things together for everyone else at work, and at home.
A recent JAMA study by one of Marvin’s clinical advisors, Dr. Mickey Trockel of Stanford WellMD, found that 70% of physicians perform clinical work while on vacation, and 60% take fewer than 15 days off per year. That doesn’t leave much room for recovery, let alone reflection.
When recovery time disappears, so does your buffer. The emotional margin that helps you stay steady in hard moments starts to erode and once that happens, everything starts to feel a little heavier.
A few signs you might be closer to the wall than you think:
(These aren’t diagnostic, but they’re worth checking in on)
- You feel more irritable, even with people you care about
- You stop reaching out to friends or family, even when you miss them
- You’re withdrawing from your partner, or constantly bracing for small conflicts
- You feel emotionally flat at the end of the day, even if the shift wasn’t bad
- You keep saying “I’ll deal with it later,” even though later never comes
None of this means something is wrong with you. These are normal responses to chronic stress and emotional overload. They’re also early signs that you deserve care before you burn out, not after.
If this is resonating, here’s where to start:
You don’t have to fix your entire schedule, overhaul your relationships, or explain everything that’s been going on. Try one small action instead:
- Say something honest out loud to a friend, family member, or colleague, even if it’s just “I’ve felt really off this week.”
- Book a Marvin session now, before you hit the point of “I don’t even know what to say.”
- Ask a partner or friend for one thing you need this week. Make it specific.
- Write down what’s been taking up space in your head. See what’s actually yours to carry.
The goal this season isn’t to become a new person. It’s to feel a little more like yourself again.
