Why emotional disconnection feels worse during the holidays
In healthcare, your work doesn’t stop just because the calendar says it’s a season of celebration. If anything, the pressures ramp up, and for those of us on the clinical frontlines, that stress often bleeds into our closest relationships.
You may feel pulled in too many directions, or you might go quiet, not out of indifference, but exhaustion. And yet, the pressure to show up well at home, with your partner, with your family, or even socially, never really lets up.
This isn’t a character flaw. According to vast research on connection and well-being, when we’re emotionally depleted, our capacity to connect shrinks. Not because we care less, but because our nervous system is working overtime just to stay functional.
The result? You withdraw, they misread it, and distance builds.
What Positive Psychology says about staying close under stress
The field of Positive Psychology doesn’t define well-being as the absence of problems, it defines it by the presence of emotional, social, and psychological resources. And many of those resources are built inside relationships.
Here are three relevant insights:
- Positive resonance strengthens connection. In her broaden-and-build theory, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson found that positive emotions help us build long-term relational resources even if the emotions themselves are short-lived. These include love, gratitude, awe, and appreciation. When shared, even briefly, they increase our emotional capacity and trust.
- Shared joy boosts relational resilience. In a follow-up study, Fredrickson observed that “micro-moments of connection” like laughing together or making eye contact build not just closeness, but cardiovascular health and emotional stability. These don’t require deep talks. They require presence and reciprocity.
- Savoring improves relational satisfaction. Positive Psychology also emphasizes the practice of savoring…noticing and appreciating positive experiences as they happen, like a great meal, a walk through nature, or a funny movie. Couples and families that intentionally savor even small moments report higher satisfaction and lower perceived stress.
What presence actually looks like this season
Presence doesn’t mean you’re emotionally available all the time. It means you’re intentional with the moments you do have.
Here’s what that might look like in practice:
- Instead of multitasking through dinner, sit down and ask one specific question like, “What felt good today?”
- Instead of apologizing for being distant, try, “I know I’ve been quiet. Just wanted you to know I see you, even when I don’t say much.”
- Instead of saving connection for the weekend, drop a quick text mid-shift. “Thinking of you. Can we reset later this week?”
- Instead of withdrawing entirely, let someone in even for a few minutes. That counts.
What many of the studies confirmed is that what holds people together isn’t perfection. It’s presence.
You don’t need to fix everything in your relationships at once, or even do it all correctly; you just need to keep showing up where it counts. If you’re feeling disconnected, you’re not alone. And you’re not too late to come back to what matters.
