You don’t need more people in your life. Science says you need more space to feel close to the ones who matter.
Most clinicians already understand that connection matters. What’s often missing is a reframing of that idea as an evidence-backed part of how we stay steady under pressure.
The strength of our social connection and social networks impact how we process stress, how we recover from emotional fatigue, and how we stay grounded in roles that demand constant output. When our connection to others slips, the downstream effects show up quickly: short tempers, emotional shutdown, isolation, disengagement, or all of the above.
But when personal connection is strong (even in small doses) it’s one of the most reliable protective factors we have.
The science behind building connection
In his research on long-term relational health, Dr. John Gottman found that the strongest relationships aren’t built through conflict resolution or dramatic breakthroughs. They’re built through what he calls “bids for connection,” which are small moments of emotional outreach that are noticed and responded to consistently. While many of his studies focus on couples, the core principle applies equally to friends, family, and colleagues: the everyday exchanges that sustain connection matter.
That insight lines up with positive psychology research such as the work of Barbara Fredrickson, whose broaden‑and‑build theory of positive emotions shows that brief moments of positive emotional experience (which happen in our everyday interactions, even the small ones) help build enduring social, psychological, and physical resources.
In other words: It’s not about having more relationships. It’s about protecting the moments when connection is possible and choosing to act on them.
The three domains of connection and what they each offer
Instead of thinking about connection as one monolithic thing, it helps to understand the different kinds of relationships that support us and what we lose when those go quiet.
- Home and family. These provide regulation, intimacy, and emotional safety. But they’re also the first to absorb your exhaustion.
- Colleagues and peers. These provide shared context and low-effort empathy. A prominent study found feelings of self-efficacy and social connectedness have been shown to mediate the stressful impacts of trauma exposure for healthcare workers
- Chosen community. Friends outside of work, support groups, faith groups, or even online communities can help reinforce identity and reduce the isolation that comes with clinical emotional labor.
You don’t need to maximize all three. You just need to notice when one goes quiet and make space to reconnect.
If it’s been a while: How to reconnect without a total reset
Many of us think reconnection means long conversations or serious talks. But Gottman and others in Positive Psychology agree that the most powerful moments are short, specific, and frequent.
Here are a few research-backed ways to strengthen connection without adding more to your plate:
- At home: Try the “stress-reducing conversation”: Gottman found that partners who take 10 minutes to talk about a stressor outside the relationship (and just listen, without advice or judgment) had higher relationship satisfaction and emotional resilience.
- At work: Use the “5:1 Ratio”: In healthy relationships, there are 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative one. At work, this could look like short acknowledgments, inside jokes, or quick “I saw what you did there” affirmations.
- Everywhere: One way to make connection easier is to tie it to something you’re already doing. Instead of aiming for big catch-up calls or long check-ins, consider adding a quick moment of appreciation or connection to a routine that already exists like texting a friend during your lunch break. Small practices don’t just build gratitude, over time, they can make your relationships feel steadier and more mutual, even when time is limited.
Why connection feels harder in healthcare
A 2022 review published in BMC Psychiatry found that social support (including work and family relationships) significantly reduced psychological distress among female healthcare workers, especially during times of heightened professional and personal stress.
But connection doesn’t exist in a vacuum. In healthcare settings, it’s constantly being eroded by shift work, overtime, emotional labor, and the systemic expectation to “just handle it.”
In Marvin’s own data, 57% of advanced practitioners and 36% of physicians report relationship issues as one of their top reasons for seeking mental health support. Not because of dramatic conflict, but because staying close takes bandwidth, and that bandwidth is in short supply.
During the holidays, connection is even more fragile
For many women in healthcare, the holidays don’t bring rest. They bring more emotional labor, more caregiving, and more pressure to be available for others at work, at home, in family dynamics that may not feel simple or supportive.
Even the routines that usually help you stay steady like walks with a friend, check-ins with a partner, time to decompress between shifts can quietly disappear this time of year.
Most connection strategies assume you have space to show up the way you want to. But what if you don’t?
This season, connection might look like being honest when you’re stretched. Letting someone know you haven’t had the capacity to reach out but that you still care. Choosing to stay close, even if the way you do it has to change.
Connection doesn’t have to be constant. It just needs to be real.
